Combat Liberalism
A sitcom script about Maoists, what I've been reading lately, and the plan for this newsletter going forward!
The plan for this newsletter going forward
Sorry to put the boring part first, but there’s going to be a long sitcom script in this one and I don’t want it to get buried. I’m spinning up this newsletter again, with the goal of having something every two weeks. While that will infrequently be finished short stories, sometimes I’ll have fiction riffs and experiments, other times book reviews, and other times broader thoughts on writing and fiction. I’ll also include what I’m reading, usually below whatever the main event for the newsletter is, but today I’m reversing that so it also doesn’t get drowned by the script. Thanks for subscribing!
What I’ve Read Lately
The Wrong End of the Telescope by Rabih Alameddine: a story of the Syrian refugee crisis on Lesbos, narrated by a Lebanese trans woman and often addressing a barely-disguised stand-in for Alameddine in the second person. It uses vignettes to provide specificity to the lives of refugees, which westerners tend to think of in broad generalities, tangles with the various uses and uselessness of empathy, and shows that it is, in fact, very possible for a cis writer to write trans women well.
The File on H. by Ismail Kadare: Albania’s foremost writer’s most directly comedic novel, which details the surveillance of two Irishmen who arrive to find some link between Albanian folklore and the poet Homer, the shaky case for deciding that they’re spies, and everyone’s firm conviction that they are, in fact, spies.
Reconstruction by Eric Foner: a BIG book about Reconstruction, the first real attempt at a social revolution in the United States. The failure and refusal to secure an equal place in society for Black people at that moment is the foundation of the failures and refusals to do so in our time.
Nowhere Here: Cyberspace & the Assassination of the Unreal by Kurt Schiller: in this article, Schiller traces a history of the concept of cyberspace and demonstrates the tragedy of big tech’s enclosure on the former wildness of online.
Combat Liberalism
A sitcom script which I wrote purely to entertain myself. Ideally it would be center-justified, but Substack won’t let me do that.
1-1
OLIVER
Let's begin this meeting of the Pittsburgh Communist Front. We need to discuss outreach strategy. I know we were all excited about our new method, but it seems like no one is that interested in continuing an argument from Facebook in real life.
KURT
Only because you didn't put your heart into it, Oliver!
OLIVER
Kurt, you need to understand the human mind. To most people, Facebook is an ethereal realm. A dreamworld, where nothing they do counts. They can like borderline pornography, comment death threats beneath news articles, tell their teenage nieces to fuck off, and walk unburdened out into the world.
SOSELO
Ten times in the last week, I've explained to people that Facebook is bourgeois and reactionary. And ten times, they posted a picture of one of those yellow minion monsters at me, implying I'm the idiot minion or worse, the object of the minion's condescension. I'm sick of it. We're not doing it anymore.
KURT
Gimme a better idea. I'm open, I'm listening.
OLIVER
It seems clear to me that we need to get people in the door. If they're not coming to us, we need to bring them here and-
KURT
Attack them
OLIVER
-develop them. Help them advance their politics until they see that we are the ones who are taking correct action.
SOSELO
I think we need to take action. A big action, to show the people that we're not all talk. What if we set the police station on fire?
OLIVER
Michael-
SOSELO
My name is Soselo.
Oliver and Kurt roll their eyes
SOSELO
Hey, none of that shit. This is a people's war, right?
OLIVER
Yes.
SOSELO
And the people's war is ongoing, in battle, at every moment, correct?
OLIVER
&
KURT
Yes.
SOSELO
So you should be referring to me by my nomme de guerre. You two should be using yours, as well.
OLIVER
I'm not using Kurt's, it's terrible.
KURT
Oh! What's wrong with Gregory Violence?
OLIVER
Can we please focus? Right now there are only three of us. At any moment, that could be reduced to two or one, by arrest, or car accident, or lightning strike.
SOSELO
Lightning is rare, we don't need to plan for it.
OLIVER
Lightning is a material condition of the world we are fighting in, and we ignore it at our peril. So, I propose an indoor activity to draw people in.
SOSELO
A reading group.
KURT
Ugh, boring.
OLIVER
A Little Red Book reading group. Still think it's boring, Kurt?
Kurt looks at Oliver sheepishly, then affixes his gaze on the table
OLIVER
If we can get people talking about the concepts that we already know, they will be drawn inexorably to Maoism and thus our cadre.
SOSELO
We've tried this before, haven't we?
OLIVER
And we could have converted many of those readers into new members if it weren't for various... mistakes.
Each of the three looks at another with accusatory glances.
KURT
What if we just go outside and yell lines from the book? That way people will be reading the book without even knowing it.
OLIVER
The lines aren't magic spells, we need people to come in, ready to grapple with the material, to give themselves in mind and spirit. And to get them here, we're going to need two things: outreach, and a flier. I'll work on the flier, the two of you feel free to choose your task.
Kurt and Soselo look at each other.
KURT (SIMULTANEOUS TO SOSELO)
Outreach!
SOSELO (SIMULTANEOUS TO KURT)
Flier!
OLIVER
Then it's settled.
1-2
INT- Oliver and Soselo are seated across from
each other in the basement meeting room. Each of them has a piece of paper face down on the table.
OLIVER
I think a smart way to approach this is for us to flip each of our fliers over at the same time. If we react in real time, simultaneously, we'll avoid our past problems with strategic feedback.
SOSELO
We're going to yell over each other.
OLIVER
I don't know that we're going to yell over each other. We're adults, passionate though we may be about our designs. I think if we commit ourselves to approaching this thoughtfully, we can do this.
SOSELO
I am going to yell. I can already feel my chest and neck muscles preparing for it.
OLIVER
Yeah, me too. Okay. Another concept: we each slide our designs over to the other and the only thing we can do at first is ask questions. No criticism.
SOSELO
For how long?
OLIVER
I think a thirty minute question period should suffice.
SOSELO
Yeah, yeah. That works.
OLIVER
Okay. So on three, we slide our fliers. Three... two... one...
Oliver and Soselo slide their fliers across the table to each other. Each of them picks up the flier now in their hands and looks at it.
OVER SOSELO'S SHOULDER, OLIVER'S FLIER HAS THE WORDS "A JOURNEY INTO LITERACY WITH THE LARGEST SMALL BOOK EVER KNOWN" WITH SEVERAL BLOBS OF DIFFERENT SHADES OF RED BELOW IT.
SOSELO
Okay. Interesting. Why did you choose this design?
OLIVER
Oh that's a very good question. As you know, my artistic path began with socialist realism which I eventually found, like many great artists did, that it was too confining. So then I branched out into socialist surrealism, which you may recall was quite a fruitful period.
SOSELO
The melting clocks that all said "Revolution" instead of having numbers?
OLIVER
Precisely, and while that left quite an impression on my audience, I felt it too had run its course. So now I'm trying to forge a new path into what I call socialist abstraction. So I'm pleased to see that you like it.
SOSELO
I didn't say I like it.
OLIVER
Of course you like it, why would you want to know so much about what led up to it if you didn't like it? If you didn't like it, you would have just asked "what is this shit?"
SOSELO
What is this shit?
OLIVER
So, that's using question time to imply criticism, which is against the spirit of this whole thing. Maybe you can't restrain yourself for another twenty seven minutes, but I'd ask that you try. Now, let's take a look at yours and see if I have any questions.
OVER OLIVER'S SHOULDER, SOSELO'S FLIER SAYS "LITTLE RED BOOK" ON THE BOTKURT WITH A SHIRTLESS, MUSCULAR MAO ZEDONG TAKING UP THE MAJORITY OF A FLIER. ONE OF HIS HANDS HOLDS THE LITTLE RED BOOK, THE OTHER HOLDS A KATANA.
OLIVER
I do have questions.
SOSELO
Seems like it's pretty straightforward.
OLIVER
Maybe so, maybe so. Did you use any reference material to create this image? The muscles are very well-rendered.
SOSELO
No, I've just been thinking about this picture a lot and it just came to life.
OLIVER
I see. And the katana? I believe that's a Japanese sword, isn't it?
SOSELO
It is. I just, it felt to me like what Mao would be holding in this scenario.
OLIVER
What scenario?
SOSELO
Standing shirtless holding the little red book and asking people to attend a reading group. To me, he'd feel like his other hand was a little empty, so he'd want to hold something to impress everyone as he invites them.
OLIVER
Which leads me to another question. There doesn't seem to be any indication on your flier that this is for a reading group.
SOSELO
That's not a question, that's criticis
m. And there isn't one on yours either! How is anyone supposed to know this is for a reading group?
Oliver stands and points to a spot on his flier.
OLIVER
The burgundy in the lower left corner implies togetherness, everyone will understand that.
Soselo stands.
SOSELO
Well, Mao is obviously inviting you to come read with him. That's why his eyes are so welcoming!
OLIVER
We absolutely can't show this to people. They'll think we're an erotic maoist collective and we'll be laughed out of the city.
SOSELO
Yours is worse! No one will know what we are. They'll assume that we're liberals. I would rather carve the details of our reading group into my chest and stand at a busy street corner than have your flier represent us.
OLIVER
So we're at an impasse.
SOSELO
We are.
OLIVER
Do you want to just use the flier we used for the last one with an updated date and time?
SOSELO
Oh the one that has the book on it and then like a "hey come join us there's snacks" thing?
OLIVER
Yeah, that's the one.
SOSELO
Oh yeah, totally.
1-3
INT-A BOOKSTORE WITH NARROW AISLES BETWEEN PACKED-FULL BOOKSHELVES. VARIOUS PUNKS AND ANARCHISTS SIT AT TABLES AND BROWSE. JESSIE, A BUTCH TRANS GIRL, IS AT THE REGISTER. KURT APPROACHES HER.
KURT
Hey Jesse, you miss me?
JESSIE
Oh, no, you were in a couple days ago, right? You were here to pick up that [VOICE CONSPICUOUSLY LOUDER] book about Trotsky.
Kurt spins around, trying to make eye contact with every punk around him, shaking his head and waving his hands to signal "no"
JESSIE
Or maybe I'm mixing you up with one of your friends. Do any of them like Trotsky?
KURT
No way. I don't- maybe someone who looks like Soselo came in, anyone with a hard hat on kinda looks like him.
JESSIE
Hm, maybe.
JESSIE turns to make a cup of tea, Kurt takes a deep breath.
KURT
So I was wondering, can I wander around here talking to people?
JESSIE
Well-
KURT
I feel like since it's an anarchist bookstore you can't really say no.
JESSIE
Talk to whoever you want. If it goes like last time, I'm not going to help you.
Kurt walks away from the counter, and sits at the nearest table, across from a guy in a black hoodie with a book open on the table in front of him.
KURT
Hey so I know you like the color black, but how do you feel about red?
READER
Is that a pickup line?
KURT
No. Not necessarily. If it's working like, hey, yeah, I'm down to clown, but I'm talking about books.
READER
Okay, sure.
KURT
Sure it's working?
READER
No, sure, talk to me about books.
KURT
Okay great, the one I'm talking about is a little red book.
READER
Is it The Little Red Book?
KURT
Aw, man, that's great. You've already heard of it. That saves me so much time. You want to come read it with me?
READER
So we're back to pick up lines?
KURT
Nah, that's not what I mean. Unless you're into it?
READER
No.
KURT
Okay cool. It's a reading group, so we're all going to get together and discuss it.
READER
The little red book.
KURT
Yeah, that one.
READER
Oh. You're one of those Maoists, right? I've heard of you. Pittsburgh Communist Front, yeah?
KURT
(smiling proudly)
That's us. Best cadre in the city, unanimous vote.
READER
Yeah, you guys are the ones who turned that noise demonstration into a huge brawl.
KURT
Talk shit, get hit, if you ask me.
READER
I know a lo
t of people who get mad at you guys. I'm gonna be honest. I'd rather fuck some weird dude who came up to me and started talking about books than go read the little red book with you guys. Sorry.
READER gets up and walks away
KURT
Am I supposed to follow you to your place, or...?
READER
No.
KURT
Cool, cool.
2-1
INT-A COFFEE SHOP, OLIVER, KURT, AND SOSELO ARRAYED IN A SEMICIRCLE AT THE END OF A LONG TABLE, WITH THE REST EMPTY. EACH OF THEM HAS A COPY OF THE LITTLE RED BOOK IN FRONT OF THEM
SOSELO
It's fourteen-ten now.
KURT
Is that asshole for ten past two?
SOSELO
Precision is vital during all wartime operations, Kurt.
OLIVER
So this is a failure. I think it's important that we accept that, embrace that fact, and attempt to problem solve without assigning blame.
SOSELO
We know the flier was good. The problem was with the outreach.
OLIVER
That's a good point, clearly the outreach was ineffective. But why?
KURT
Woah hey fuck off, I got so much word out. I talked to, like, fifteen or twenty people.
OLIVER
And was your manner good during those conversations?
KURT
My manner?
SOSELO
If we're going to adjust our approach, it should be a change in tactics, not execution. Word of mouth is classic, but we have other tools.
OLIVER
Our facebook outreach hasn't been productive, Soselo. Just this morning twenty seven teens mobbed the comment section of one of my posts to antagonize me.
SOSELO
I know, but we could have a website, we could have a twitter account. Those are different fields of battle, where we could win.
KURT
So I go on facebook and post Gonzalo thought and grandma tells me to eat shit, but I do it on twitter and everyone's happy?
SOSELO
Grandma's not on twitter.
Kurt nods appreciatively
OLIVER
I don't care much for twitter. I find that the short post format limits thought and doesn't allow for the nuances of a line of argument to blossom
SOSELO
You can thread posts, it'll go as long as you want.
OLIVER
The format is totally different. It changes the expression of the thoughts to hop from one post down to another. Would you chop up a beautiful poem and leave a single line on each page?
KURT
Sure.
Kurt pokes each page with his finger as he reads each line.
KURT
His glory, by whose might all things are mov'd
Pierces the universe, and in one part
OLIVER
Stop it.
KURT
Sheds more resplendence, elsewhere less. In heav'n
OLIVER
I get it.
KURT
That largeliest of his light partakes, was I
OLIVER
Alright, I get it!
Soselo laughs
SOSELO
Was that the Divine Comedy?
KURT
(Disgusted)
No.
OLIVER
I propose the following: I will bring my design sensibility to the website, the infinitude of the unstructured internet will serve me well in this regard. You two can manage the twitter account
KURT
What if we made an AK-47 the profile picture for the account?
Soselo nods and smiles.
2-2
INT-A DARK ROOM, LIT BY A COMPUTER SCREEN. OLIVER SITS AT THE DESK, A WIDE GRIN ON HIS FACE.
OLIVER (VOICEOVER)
Now, the common mode of website is user-focused. I could present this information in a straightforward way, thus allowing them to access it with minimal effort.
Oliver taps his hands on the desk a few times.
OLIVER (VOICEOVER)
But! I know from psychology, that when people have put effort into something. They feel more invested in it. I'm not trying to sell a simple product, I'm trying to bring these people to the people's war. That requires investment.
So I need to make this a maze. Yes!
Dramatic music swells.
OLIVER (VOICEOVER)
When they enter, they'll be greeted with the effect of a misty forest. They'll have no idea where to click, and only have the hints of animal noises in the brush to know that something is going on. Once they've clicked five-- no, six-- times, then the forest will vanish. They'll see the navigation bar, swirling around the screen. And if they want to get anywhere, they must catch it. The trick, oh the trick, is that each link doesn't go to the page it says it does. About, to contact! Contact, to events! Home, to the webpage for a local mattress store! And finally, once they manage to reach the page they hoped for...
Oliver leans back in his chair, laughing.
OLIVER (VOICEOVER)
They'll find the content they sought is encrypted with the affine cipher! Only once they decode the text they see will they be able to learn more about us, and the ones who do come to us will be, by then so invested that they have to stay for a few meetings. Not to mention they will have demonstrated the mental fortitude to be of use to the revolution. It's perfect!
Oliver jiggles the mouse a little bit, leans forward, appears totally focused, and then pecks at the keyboard a couple times with his index fingers.
2-3
INT-KURT'S LIVING ROOM. SOSELO AND KURT SIT ON THE COUCH. KURT IS WEARING A LOOSE TANK TOP CUT OFF ABOVE THE NAVEL, SOSELO IS WEARING A VISIBILITY VEST. KURT IS HOLDING A PHONE IN HIS HANDS.
SOSELO
Thanks for having me over, I'm excited to dig in, do some posting.
KURT
Oh yeah, we had to do this here. Best window AC unit in the game
CUT- SHOW A NORMAL WINDOW AC UNIT, THEN BACK TO SOSELO AND KURT ON THE COUCH
SOSELO
So, we need to consider our posting style. Like a lot of people just go off the cuff, this is me, this is what I'm about.
KURT
Okay I can get about that.
SOSELO
It never works. No one wants to know you. Or me. Or even any of these celebs.
KURT
Really?
SOSELO
Really. All any of these people sign on for is to see fights. Not thoughtfulness, not compassion, not tits.
KURT
Not tits?
SOSELO
Okay they like tits. It's online. But what they really want, is to see those tits in a knock down fight with another poster.
KURT
So we just need to find the strongest poster on this website, wreck him, and then we're good.
SOSELO
Then we're good. Let's fire this thing up and get some tweets going.
Kurt leans closer to Soselo, reading the phone in his hands.
KURT
What're you doing?
SOSELO
Just getting a few things on the timeline so that people know what we're about. Mao... is... daddy.
KURT
Mao's daddy?
SOSELO
It just means he's good and strong. As you'd envision your father.
KURT
My dad couldn't lift for shit. He got stuck underneath a shopping cart and was trapped there for eighteen hours. Three bags of groceries in there. That's it.
Soselo nods thoughtfully and resumes typing
KURT
Gonzalo... that's not how you spell "thought".
SOSELO
Ah, this is quite clever. THOT is an expression, it means "that ho over there". But it got reclaimed, so this is like, Gonzalo thought but also, damn I'm really into Gonzalo I'd like, I'd do a lot for Gonzalo's ideas.
KURT
I mean, you gotta give it up for Gonzalo.
SOSELO
You gotta
Soselo types more
KURT
Woah okay come on. "Mao Zedong, cover my face in thick ropes"? That's gross.
SOSELO
Would you not be honored if Chairman Mao threw so much rope at you for you to attend to, that it covered your face and entire body?
KURT
I don't know if that's what that means.
SOSELO
Do you want to help with th
is, or go design the website with Oliver?
KURT
Don't do that to me man. I don't need that.
SOSELO
Okay. Now look, we've already got a little social democrat responding to our posts with "uh...." What should we say back?
KURT
"Reformist bitch, when the revolution comes no one will be able to tell your blood from the other capitalists'"
SOSELO
Oh that is good. That is good, I'm posting that.
KURT
Wow that feels great. I'm pumped up. Let's do another one.
SOSELO
Let's do twenty more ones.
2-4
INT- BASEMENT MEETING ROOM. KURT AND SOSELO ARE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER, HUNCHED OVER THE PHONE. SOSELO IS WEARING BEIGE COVERALLS.
KURT
(Laughing)
Oh, oh, tell him he's going to die at exactly 11:53 tonight.
SOSELO
That'll get him, yeah.
Oliver enters the room with a laptop tucked under his arm, smiling proudly.
OLIVER
Comrades, I've finished the website and it is exquisite. If not my greatest work, surely a new pinnacle of online communication.
Oliver sets down the laptop in front of them and delicately opens it, then scrambles around the table. He turns it on.
OLIVER
You see, I was worried that my various realms of knowledge wouldn't apply to web design as readily as I'd initially hoped, but I quickly proved myself wrong.
Oliver type on the computer.
OLIVER
Now, look upon my works!
CUT-THE COMPUTER SCREEN. AFTER A SECOND OF LOADING, A WEBSITE WITH A BLANK WHITE BACKGROUND COMES UP. BLACK TEXT ON THE SCREEN READS "WE HACKED YOUR TERRIBLE WEBSITE. IT TOOK US THIRTY SECONDS."
OLIVER
No no no, this must be an error. Or a big or glitch, perhaps I typed in the wrong address.
CUT-THE COMPUTER SCREEN. A BLACK BANNER SCROLLS IN HORIZONTALLY FROM THE LEFT. IT READS IN WHITE TEXT "WE CAME BACK FOR A MINUTE TO ADD THIS BECAUSE WE WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT WHEN WE SAY THIRTY SECONDS WE LITERALLY MEAN THIRTY SECONDS." ANOTHER BANNER, FLASHING RAINBOW COLORS IN THE BACKGROUND, SCROLLS DOWN VERTICALLY, IT READS IN WHITE TEXT "YOU'RE VERY BAD AT THIS."
OLIVER
Well then.
SOSELO
Look forget that. We have been killing it on twitter. So far we have ten followers and we've made fifty liberals block us.
OLIVER
That's impressive.
KURT
Uh, Soselo...
SOSELO
And this is just the beginning. Once word gets out that we're really engaged in the fight, more people will follow.
KURT
Soselo.
SOSELO
(Not listening)
And then thing will really take off, we'll be able to leverage this following into more real life revolutionaries.
KURT
Mike!
SOSELO
It's fucking Soselo, how many times do I have to tell you?
KURT
It won't let me post.
SOSELO
(Snatches the phone from Kurt)
What? Let me see. Why can't I post?
OLIVER
Looks like you're suspended.
SOSELO
Suspended?
OLIVER
Suspended, banned, whatever you want to call it really. You can't tweet anymore.
KURT
Why? What did we do?
OLIVER
The website's run by liberals. If enough of them report you, the liberals in charge will ban you without hesitation.
SOSELO
Were you on twitter? How do you know this?
OLIVER
It's simple materialism, Soselo. Don't tell me you didn't consider the class character of the technology you were using.
SOSELO
(Sheepish)
No, no, of course I did.
OLIVER
In any case, clearly the internet has been captured by our enemy. I see only one avenue left to us.
KURT
Armed revolution.
OLIVER
No.
SOSELO
No?
OLIVER
Well, yes, but not right awa
y. We're going to have to deliver our message in person. Not even the most attentive capitalist can censor the vibration of soundwaves through the air.
3-1
INT-A COMMON AREA IN A LOCAL COLLEGE CAMPUS. SOSELO, OLIVER, AND KURT SIT AT A FOLDING TABLE WITH A STACK OF READING GROUP FLIERS ON IT.
OLIVER
Remember, more than anything else we have to be compelling. These students could be future revolutionary warriors.
SOSELO
Most of them don't have the build for it.
OLIVER
Maybe so.
STUDENT 1 walks up to the table. She has a backpack on and is wearing an oversized sweater.
STUDENT 1
What is this?
KURT
We're the ones fighting to destroy this college.
STUDENT 1
Uh, what?
OLIVER
What my comrade means is we intend to destroy capitalism, both the economic system directly and the institutions that produce knowledge that sustain it
STUDENT 1
So like you're going to blow up the school?
STUDENT 2 stops as he walks by, holding a notebook in his right hand and wearing a t-shirt.
STUDENT 2
Is there a bomb threat?
OLIVER
No, that's not what-
SOSELO
I think we'd use a simple wrecking ball though I suppose for larger buildings it would require some type of explosive to fully demolish them
STUDENT 2
(Yelling)
Bomb! These guys are gonna blow up the school!
STUDENTS 1 and 2 run away, and chaos erupts behind them. Kurt stands up on the table.
KURT
That's right you better run! We are soldiers in the people's war and you're either with us or against us! Am I right?
OLIVER
No you are not right, now sit down.
Kurt remains standing on the table. Oliver groans and stands up on it as well.
OLIVER
Don't worry people, we are not threatening the school's physical structure. We intend only to render it useless as a site of reproduction of institutional knowledge by exposing the class character of it.
Soselo stands on the table as well.
OLIVER
What the hell are you doing?
SOSELO
We have to present a united front. If we're not in unity then we'll be perceived as weak.
The table collapses inward under their weight, sending the three of them into a heap on the ground between the two halves of the broken table. Kurt jumps up, energetic from the adrenaline created by the fall. Most students are gone, a few look at them from a distance.
KURT
That's right even a fall like that can't stop us, we're an unstoppable wrecking machine and you need to sign up right now to be one of us!
OLIVER
(from the ground)
Imbecile! We're not projecting strength right now, we look like fools!
SOSELO
It requires strength to recover from a defeat, especially an embarrassing one.
OLIVER
Oh? What asinine military strategy book is that from?
SOSELO
I learned that one from my mother.
OLIVER
Your mother! Famed revolutionary Mrs. Hampton! Or, I'm sorry, what was her nomme de guerre?
SOSELO
Dorothy Phoenix.
Oliver screams into his hands.
KURT
Guys you gotta get up, I don't think it looks good for you to be on the ground.
OLIVER
Oh? Do you think it looked better for you to scream that you were going to bomb the school?
KURT
We need to recruit people who are down. If they're piss-scared by a bomb threat that isn't even real, what good are they going to be to us?
SOSELO
To be fair, they didn't know it was a fake bomb threat.
SECURITY GUARD approaches, standing above Oliver and Soselo.
SECURITY GUARD
I'm guessing you're the three boys I've heard were yelling about a bomb
3-2
INT- AN ENCLOSED ROOM, SOSELO, OLIVER, AND KURT SIT IN THREE CHAIRS, DEJECTED, WHILE THE SECURITY GUA
RD LEANS AGAINST A DESK.
SECURITY GUARD
I don't know what you think you were doing. Yelling about bomb threats in a crowded building.
OLIVER
It was a miscommunication.
SECURITY GUARD
We'll see what the police think. This sort of mess is outside of my pay grade.
KURT
Shut up, pig.
SECURITY GUARD
I am not a cop. But I have called them. They're going to come to arrest you.
Oliver hunches over while the other two perk up.
SOSELO
The police are coming here?
KURT
In front of all of these people?
SECURITY GUARD
Yes. I don't know what reputations you think you have to salvage but everyone will see you be taken away by the police.
KURT
What if we fought the police?
SECURITY GUARD
Excuse me?
KURT
Not you, rent-a-pig. What if we fought the police? A little rumble to show everyone we're really about it.
OLIVER
I'm not dying in a shootout today, thanks.
SECURITY GUARD
Do you have guns?
KURT
I'm just saying, if I'm someone looking to join a revolution, I'm signing up with cop-fighters, not book-readers
OLIVER
Leaving books out of this, that does make some sense.
SOSELO
Hell yes. Let me get my hammer
Soselo gets up and walks toward the desk the security guard is leaning on. The security guard shakes his head and Soselo sits back down.
SOSELO
Better for this to be a fist fight. Nothing but our hands and will to show the people who's fighting for them.
SECURITY GUARD
Boys, please don't fight the police. I don't need that kind of thing going on while I'm on the clock.
OLIVER
We need to have some good slogans to yell as we're dragged off.
KURT
Waging revolution depends on Mao Zedong thought?
OLIVER
Hm, no. Too specific. We want something that resonates. "Dare to think, dare to act?"
SOSELO
Why not just keep it simple? "Long live the people's war"
SECURITY GUARD
Okay, you know what, I'm going to call the police and tell them not to come. You boys just... get out of here, okay?
KURT
Oh no we're fighting some pigs here.
SECURITY GUARD
They're not going to come. Look.
SECURITY GUARD picks up the phone, and dials a number.
SECURITY GUARD
Hey guys, false alarm, no need to come down. Yeah, yeah. Some rambunctious kids, it seemed more serious. It's my fault.
(Hangs up the phone)
See? No more police.
SOSELO
Ugh, what a waste. I was ready to fight those cops.
KURT
Look, mall cop-
SECURITY GUARD
This is a college campus.
KURT
Either the police come right now, or I'm doing something to make the police come right now. You understand? I will light this entire building on fire. Then the police and the fire department will come and I'll fuckin fight em both.
SECURITY GUARD
Just get on out of here. Come on.
SOSELO
Make us leave.
SECURITY GUARD picks up the phone and conspicuously doesn't dial any numbers.
SECURITY GUARD
(obviously lying)
Hey nevermind that nevermind, those boys are dangerous. They just ran out of here down Fifth... yeah, three of them.
(Hangs up the phone)
Okay if you boys want to fight the police, you better get running down Fifth, otherwise they're going to miss you.
Oliver and Kurt sprint out of the room, while Soselo lunges toward the desk for his hammer. SECURITY GUARD points his finger at Soselo and shakes his head. Soselo runs out of the room.
3-3
EXT- Oliver, Kurt, and Soselo running down the street. Soselo in a jog, not breathing heavily, while Oliver and Kurt look exhausted. They stop by a mailbox, which Kurt dr
apes himself over.
OLIVER
I was expecting the police to have caught up with us by now.
KURT
(Heavy breathing)
SOSELO
I suppose we were just too evasive.
OLIVER
Maybe. Our training for just this sort of escape must have subconsciously led us away from conflict with the police.
KURT
We could just go break a window. That'd get them here.
SOSELO
What are we, anarchists? Let's just call it a day. Maybe we'll get some emails or something from tabling today.
The three of them walk away from the camera, the sound fades as they get further.
KURT
Or maybe twitter has unbanned us by now.
OLIVER
I think it's worth attempting another reading group.
SOSELO
Not until we get that website unhacked.
OLIVER
You can try, I don't know what sinister tactics they used.
KURT
You guys are my best friends.
END.